Wednesday, September 26, 2012

our options

Which route do we go?  Here's what I know, please feel free and provide with more information or share your experiences with me!

Catholic Adoption Services: From what I've recently learned this is a more affordable route.  The adoption service pays the birth mother's medical bills and then provides them with a year of counseling after giving birth at no cost to the mother.  I think this sounds like a great option and studies show that this counseling has decreased the amount of birth mother's who change their minds about giving their baby up.  (I hate the way that sounds, I'm sure there is a better way to phrase that) However I'd still be walking on egg shells, living in fear that this baby would not be mine to keep.

Open Adoption vs Closed Adoption: I'm not gonna lie, I'm not sure I'm "big" enough of a person to do an open adoption.  I'm sure that I could easily get judged for this comment, but it's the truth and that's what this is about.  I think I would live in fear of the birth mother coming and taking the baby from me, either while the baby is an infant or once she is older.  While I don't think it's healthy to never tell a child that they are adopted, I'm just not sure that I'm comfortable with the birth parents being actively involved.

International Adoption: We are seriously considering adopting from Russia.  Biggest drawback, $$$.  Yep, it's so expensive!  My husband and I were pretty open to adopting from Russia, we thought that it would be this amazing experience for us to learn about and visit this part of the world.  I feel good about receiving a toddler aged child vs an infant, and it's appealing to me to "rescue" a child from an orphanage.  I'm not even sure they are called orphanages but lets be real here, that's what they are.  So the guilt I feel with this route, is it fair of me to spend that much money?  That money could go towards a savings account for my boys, maybe a college fund, or maybe just paying off our cars!  

State Adoption:  I think the only appealing thing about this route is that it doesn't cost much, financially that is.  The information that I have about State adoption is all just hear say so please feel free and correct me.  Adopting a baby, you are getting a baby that the mother has maybe been taking drugs while pregnant or drinking alcohol. It is easier to adopt older children vs infants, unfortunately the older kids have behavioral issues that you have to learn how to deal with.  I am slightly disgusted with the states for posting pictures and bio's about these kids online.  It seems a little bit like and that just doesn't seem right.  However as I've read all of these bio's I have gotten scared of adopting from these services.  One issue, you are actually fostering the child for awhile and there is the chance of a family member coming and deciding to take the child.  Another concern, I am afraid of bringing a child into our home that has behavior issues (serious ones) and completely disrupting my other kids life's or that they will end up not liking the new sibling because of behavior issues.  Again it all boils down to, I'm not "big" enough of a person.

Does anyone have other information they can share with me?  Advice, stories of routes that you have taken?  Please share!

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

the beginning

Hi, I'm Kristen, and I've always dreamt of adopting a baby.  

There, I've said it.  Some people might say that my addiction to children is similar to my addiction to animals.  Yup, I'm a sucker for them.  We currently have 3 boys, yes I said it, 3 boys.  Plus 4 dogs, and 1 horse.  What does this equal?  1 amazingly happy family!  I am truly beyond blessed.  I have 3 adorable children that are all healthy, a husband that still gives me butterflies, a job that I truly love, and a roof over my head.  >insert guilt, here<  I still feel like something is missing.  You might wonder what?  Well, my daughter.  

My entire life (as long as I can remember at least) I imagined all of the fun things I would do with my daughter.  You see, we would be best friends, we'd ride horses together, watch movies such as The Little Mermaid.  We would giggle together, she would come to me the first time her heart gets broken, she would come to me when she's found "the one", she would come to me with questions about her own children.  

So, here's part of my life: About two years ago my husband and I decided to add baby #3 to our carriage.  Unfortunately my body decided that it was done "making" babies.  We experienced some rounds of fertility treatments and I soon decided that this wasn't the path for me.  I reminded my husband of my desires to adopt, along with my desire for a daughter, and thought maybe we should count our blessings with the two boys that we already had and pursue adoption for our baby girl.  My husband wanted to go ahead and give it a couple more tries, agreeing that if we succeeded and had a boy that we would then adopt a girl. So I agreed, and a month later we had a positive test!  Fast forward 9 months, there we are waiting for the surprise of our lives (we chose not to find out the gender of this baby), drumroll please..... a baby BOY!  

That sweet baby boy is nearly 4 months old now.  Some might call it crazy but we have spent the last few weeks researching adoption.  We are trying to decide what route is best for our family; domestic, international, closed, open?  So many options that I just didn't realize existed!  It might seem crazy that we are looking into adoption already with our sweet babe being so young, however with the amount of time it takes to complete an adoption we feel like it's best for us to initiate the process as soon as we can.  

Tonight I start this blog because I feel that I need an outlet, some place to reach out to other people who may have advice or tips for us.  A place where when I need to speak about my stresses, there will be someone out there who understands them.  I look forward to making some new friendships, getting great advice, and hopefully soon meeting my daughter!