Wednesday, September 26, 2012

our options

Which route do we go?  Here's what I know, please feel free and provide with more information or share your experiences with me!

Catholic Adoption Services: From what I've recently learned this is a more affordable route.  The adoption service pays the birth mother's medical bills and then provides them with a year of counseling after giving birth at no cost to the mother.  I think this sounds like a great option and studies show that this counseling has decreased the amount of birth mother's who change their minds about giving their baby up.  (I hate the way that sounds, I'm sure there is a better way to phrase that) However I'd still be walking on egg shells, living in fear that this baby would not be mine to keep.

Open Adoption vs Closed Adoption: I'm not gonna lie, I'm not sure I'm "big" enough of a person to do an open adoption.  I'm sure that I could easily get judged for this comment, but it's the truth and that's what this is about.  I think I would live in fear of the birth mother coming and taking the baby from me, either while the baby is an infant or once she is older.  While I don't think it's healthy to never tell a child that they are adopted, I'm just not sure that I'm comfortable with the birth parents being actively involved.

International Adoption: We are seriously considering adopting from Russia.  Biggest drawback, $$$.  Yep, it's so expensive!  My husband and I were pretty open to adopting from Russia, we thought that it would be this amazing experience for us to learn about and visit this part of the world.  I feel good about receiving a toddler aged child vs an infant, and it's appealing to me to "rescue" a child from an orphanage.  I'm not even sure they are called orphanages but lets be real here, that's what they are.  So the guilt I feel with this route, is it fair of me to spend that much money?  That money could go towards a savings account for my boys, maybe a college fund, or maybe just paying off our cars!  

State Adoption:  I think the only appealing thing about this route is that it doesn't cost much, financially that is.  The information that I have about State adoption is all just hear say so please feel free and correct me.  Adopting a baby, you are getting a baby that the mother has maybe been taking drugs while pregnant or drinking alcohol. It is easier to adopt older children vs infants, unfortunately the older kids have behavioral issues that you have to learn how to deal with.  I am slightly disgusted with the states for posting pictures and bio's about these kids online.  It seems a little bit like and that just doesn't seem right.  However as I've read all of these bio's I have gotten scared of adopting from these services.  One issue, you are actually fostering the child for awhile and there is the chance of a family member coming and deciding to take the child.  Another concern, I am afraid of bringing a child into our home that has behavior issues (serious ones) and completely disrupting my other kids life's or that they will end up not liking the new sibling because of behavior issues.  Again it all boils down to, I'm not "big" enough of a person.

Does anyone have other information they can share with me?  Advice, stories of routes that you have taken?  Please share!

1 comment:

  1. Hi Kristen:

    Our two kids are adopted from Russia; our son in 2004 at 7 months and our daughter in Jan 2010 at 16 months. It's the greatest thing we've ever done in our lives. We used EAC (European Adoption Consultants) who tend to be more expensive, but they have an amazing track record. I do know of a family who ended up with a child with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome who used EAC, so it's not perfect. Rearing these children is not just like rearing biological kids. They come with issues of having been abandoned by birth mothers, neglect in the orphanage, and poor medical care. They are never "too young" to remember their abandonment. Good luck and God bless!